Short Hiatus

It's been a little while since I've posted here and I apologize for that. My EGD was rescheduled and now it's tomorrow. Now all I have is that, the cardiology and pulmonary clearances, and the sleep study.

In the middle of all this, I discovered a lump in my breast. Nothing showed on the diagnostic mammogram. Nothing showed on the ultrasound. So they sent me to a surgeon. The surgeon figured it was a ductal abnormality and I underwent surgery two days ago. After surgery, the doctor said it was periductal mastitis. He said it definitely didn't look like cancer.

Today he called me and said that what he removed was all cancer. I'm still trying to wrap my head around it. I'll start with an MRI on Monday and see the doctor again on Wednesday. He'll remove my stitches and go over the MRI results with me so we can talk about my options.

He doesn't want me to stop my progress in preparing for my sleeve. Even if I need to postpone for a couple of months.

So, as you can imagine, I will be taking a short (hopefully) break from posting here while I take care of business. See you soon.

Pushing Onward

Things are beginning to happen fast now.

I had my last PSYCH appointment yesterday and he confirmed that I am a good candidate for this surgery. I have a copy of his report and he said some really nice things about my personality. Bright, congenial, intelligent... and ready.

I received some unsettling results from the glucose tolerance test last week. My fasting glucose was 125, which is one point below full-blown diabetes. I see the NUT on Wednesday to go over all the results from that blood work. I can't imagine that this would delay my surgery since the surgery would likely reverse this condition quickly.

My EGD has also been scheduled for Friday, September 21st. Not that I'm actually looking forward to it, but I'm looking forward to it being DONE. I want all the hoops to be scheduled so I can jump through them.

In addition to these, I received a thick packet from the pulmonary group saying my testing with their office is scheduled for October 12. I have about 20 pages of forms and questionnaires to fill out for them. They will schedule the sleep study after my preliminary testing. I may check with the surgeon to see if the sleep study is absolutely necessary. I snore lightly and occasionally, but only if I lie on my back. I've never awakened gasping for air or choking. I know that if there is the slightest hint of sleep apnea, I will have to take the time to get a CPAP, then do another sleep study with the CPAP... I don't want to prolong this any more. And if there is any sleep apnea, this surgery will reverse it, too.

I think I may have mentioned that I've reached out to a support group and have connected with a mentor who was sleeved two years ago. I finally met her for coffee yesterday and we had a wonderful chat. She is an itty bitty thing, but she used to be 289 pounds. Seriously! She lost 100 lbs. in her first year and 89 pounds in the 6 months following. She has gained a little bit of weight back (on purpose) and has settled at about 120. She looks stunning. She had a boatload of good insights for me. I recommend a mentor to anyone considering this procedure. It's so helpful to have first-hand information.

As of now, I'm probably looking at late October or early November for a surgery date. Patience isn't my strong suit and I've been fat and miserable too long already.

I'm Not Crazy. My Mother Had Me Tested.

This past Thursday was my first Psych appointment. I had no idea what to expect. People online talk about having to answer hundreds of questions about all kinds of things. Some talk about a brief meeting where they are put on the spot to answer a few quick questions before being sent on their way... my appointment was nothing like either of these. The psychologist was a very pleasant elderly man who made me feel so comfortable, I almost didn't want to leave! We talked about my family, my lifestyle, and the things I've learned about the surgery I'm having. We chatted and made what seemed like small talk for 45 minutes, but he was taking notes the entire time. We ended the session with him telling me that he feels I am very committed, informed and ready for my surgery and all the changes it will bring. My next session is this Friday and at that appointment, he will prepare his report, let me read it (which I found surprising) and submit it to the surgeon's office.

On Friday I had my A1C blood work done. Two hours and four needle sticks! The technicians at the lab were very pleasant, though, and made me very comfortable. I was so extremely tired, I nearly fell asleep several times. I hope that, if they do find something in my blood work that's making me feel so tired, that we can fix it.

Now, all I can do is wait for the surgeon's office to get their reports from the PSYCH and NUT and then they will schedule the rest of my tests <hums Jeopardy theme>...

Two More Hoops

Tuesday I had my first counseling appointment with the nutrition people. It wasn't at all what I expected. You know, talking about how I eat now and how I'll eat post-op. No, it was more like they were trying to talk me out of having this procedure. That's how it felt, anyway. Since my BMI is 41, and has only been this high for a short time, there was almost an implication that I should try dieting again. Yeah, um no. I am at Stage 2 hypertension with my blood pressure, and we are on a mission to find comorbidities. I need to go have a bunch of blood work done tomorrow to rule out high cholesterol and diabetes. I wont be the least bit surprised if this big 2 hour test shows that I am diabetic. I'm tired and thirsty all the time. I will go back for my second visit in two weeks.

Today I had my first psych eval appointment and it was so comfortable and enjoyable, I almost didn't want to leave! The psychologist must be at least 70 years old and he was funny and very nice to talk with. He was very happy that I have done so much research, independently reached out to support groups, and even gotten myself a mentor through the bariatric center's support group. He said he feels I am informed, ready, and committed. We laughed about almost wishing to find something wrong. "I sure hope I'm diabetic! Come on, cholesterol!!" I will see him again at the end of next week, after I've gotten my blood work results, gone to my first support group meeting, and a meeting with my mentor. Today's visit was mainly a friendly chat with him asking lots of questions about my family, my support system, and how I see the rest of my life as a sleeved woman. Next week he will write a report, let me read it, and then submit it to my surgeon for my file.

I bought some khaki Riders shorts on clearance last night so I'd have something to wear other than yoga  pants or gym shorts. They're an 18W so I didn't bother trying them on. They are quite snug and that makes the cute top I got with them look very unappealing. Hey, I'm on my way to doing something about it, though, right?

There is No Question

This past weekend, my husband, our daughter and I went camping with my side of the family. There were 9 of us in total and it was a picture-perfect weekend, weather-wise. We had never gone camping as a family before and I was glad our little one loved it so we can look forward to doing it again. It was my first time in about 15 years and I was shocked at how difficult some things had become since I got so fat. I wasn't trying to dwell on it, but there was no getting around it. For me, the best part of the weekend was sleeping on the air mattress! I was in a beautiful wooded setting with my favorite people on earth, and my favorite part was sleeping. We walked to the beach and I panicked when I saw the last stretch we had to walk was a big hill going down to the lake. All I could think of was that I'd have to walk back UP. Walking down was hard enough. Seriously, who else gets out of breath walking DOWN a hill? We took the long way back. Really long. But fewer hills. I felt like such a slow, fat, ball and chain. Every time I have something like this happen, which is more and more frequently, I know there is no question that this surgery is the answer.

Upper GI - Piece of Chalk! I mean CAKE!

Yesterday, my daughter and I headed to the hospital's professional building at the ass-crack of dawn for me to have my ultrasound and upper GI. I'm glad my little monkey is nine and knows how to behave herself.

First was my ultrasound. The technician said I had "so much gas" and I was thinking to myself, "No, that's fat." He was checking for gallstones and a hiatal hernia. The worst part was holding my breath until I thought I was surely going to pass out. Then I was off to the waiting room again to wait for my upper GI.

If you've never had one, it's really not that unpleasant. First they gave me two gowns, one for the front and one for the back so I didn't have to worry about tying. They also gave me a pair of pajama pants. They were way too tight on the butt and I couldn't pull them all the way up, so I left them in the changing room... but not without noticing they were a size 3X...

They started by taking a couple of xrays of my abdomen while I was lying down. Then they excused me back to the waiting room for about 15 minutes before the next group of technicians called me in. There was a small wall with a little step on the bottom where they had me stand. The assistant had a small dose cup of water and a packet of crystals that were like AlkaSeltzer. I was instructed to swallow it in one big gulp as soon as she dumped the crystals in the water and do not burp. The taste wasn't that bad. It was citrus-y. Not burping was tough. When my stomach was sufficiently inflated from that cocktail, they brought me a larger styrofoam cup of barium. It was very thick and chalky. But again, the taste wasn't horrible. I'd been fasting since midnight, so it was better than nothing! They told me to drink it all, in big gulps on their cue, and keep going until it was gone. They were filming this stuff going down my throat and into my stomach. I would have loved to see it!

Then they had me face the wall and the assistant placed a doubled pillow between my face and the wall. WTH??? Then the "wall" began tilting forward and kept going until I was lying on my stomach! The assistant brought me another big styrofoam cup of chalky nastiness with a big, fat straw in it. Again, I had to chug it, while lying on my stomach this time. Then the fun came. I had to roll to my right and onto my back. Then halfway to the left. Then halfway to the right. Back and forth, back and forth, while the barium coated my stomach. Then it was back and forth a few more times while they took more images. The table stood me back up and they gave me a tablet to swallow with water. I'm thinking maybe it was Gas-X or something since I didn't have any residual discomfort.

And that was it. 90 minutes total in the medical building. The tests were completely painless and while they weren't particularly pleasant, they were nothing to be afraid of.

Step One

I saw my surgeon this past Thursday for the first time and the appointment went very well. He was great - he explained everything, answered all my questions, and gave me great hope. I had a list of questions as long as my arm and he was very patient. I told him I was going to be his poster child and he was very encouraging. I was happy to learn that I am a very good candidate for this surgery.

I have set up my NUT and PSYCH appointments (2 of each) over the next few weeks and the surgeon's office will set up the rest. Since I used to smoke many years ago, I will have a pulmonary visit, I need to have a sleep study since I may have sleep apnea, I need an EGD,cardiology exam, and this Tuesday I am going for my upper GI/ultrasound. These appointments should be finished within 6-8 weeks (probably less) and then, if no follow up is needed, we submit to insurance. Luckily, my insurance is one that approves quickly, sometimes on the same day. Er.Mah.Gerd. This is happening!

I'm so hopeful and I think about this every waking moment, just like I think about being fat every waking moment. I visualize myself in a year, getting ready to turn 50, looking healthier and better than I ever have in my life. I think about going to school functions with my daughter and not trying to hide in the back of the room. I think about hitting the gym with my smoking hot husband on a regular basis again and not having people look at us like such an odd couple. I think about all the things that I'll no longer be held back from anymore. And I think about rocking my size 6 jeans that haven't seen the light of day in way too many years, and posting a lot more photos on FB than I do now.

I reached out to a local bariatric support group and I've learned a lot already. The group is made up of former bariatric patients who have had great success. I hope to one day be part of their mentor group so I can be as helpful to someone else as they have been to me.

I miss the old me. The real me. The fun and active me. I can't wait to be her again.